It's Over

I know it's cliche to say, but it's also customary to do: I've put a lot of thought into this post. Perhaps not enough to drag it out too much, but certainly to post it. I had meant to post this a long time ago, but then I had that dream.

Why I got off the phone with my upline, he had two things to make clear to me. First was that he had no ill-will toward Quixtar and didn't want me to stop working the business. The other thing he said though, and this was what stung me and has not gone away, was to "watch what you say." Advise to keep me from making Quixtar upset at me and deleting my account. I appreciated the warning.

But I don't like people telling me what to say, or what not to.

If you know anything about me, you should know that I speak what's on my mind. I believe that the Freedom of Speech is a humanitarian right and not something that should be exclusive to Americans. So when somebody tells me to watch what I say, I get a bit edgy. I don't like that.

I don't like being in the position where I'm verbally on the defense. If I have something on my mind, I want to say it. But sadly it's come to a point in my business venture where my word could spark some fuses. My upline said he knew about my blog, said "they" knew about my blog indicating AllianceNet. If they know about it, who knows who else is reading this and just waiting for me to say the wrong thing.

So how's this for the wrong thing: I don't care anymore.

As of right now, my IBO number means zero to me. Sure I'd rather keep it, but if they're going to try and use it as a threat to silence me, screw them. I will say what I want when I want and if that brings about my termination in the business, that's no sweat off my back. I can get accustomed to the mundane storefronts again. I'd rather not but it won't kill me.

So let this be declaration of open season on me. Quixtar, if I really piss you off that mucg, go ahead and cut the cord. See if I care. I'll be sure and let everyone here know when you do. It won't help your image, I'll tell you that much.

So What Does This Mean?

Well, really it doesn't mean a whole much of anything except for that I could care less what they do to me after I make the following few posts over the next couple of months.

I'm still buying products. I'm still selling products. I'm still an IBO, that hasn't changed and I'm not looking to change it. So I guess the title of this entry was a bit of an overstatement. I'm still in the game. This blog wouldn't be that usefull if I weren't.

Mom was pretty upset when she found out I was accepting my fate. "Where am I gonna get my detergent?" So this is for mom, really. Mom, this is for you.

In other news, you should all watch I ♥ Huckabees. Verry good film.

Midnight Prophecy

I haven't been around and there's a reason for this. I was going to make a post about it because it's kind of important and very much relevant to this blog, more on it later, though. As I said, today I intended to make a post about it, but then last night I had this weird dream and I simply had to put it up first. Some of you intelligencias may have more luck at making sense of this than I do, though I have my conclusions.

Anyway...

So it takes place at my parents' church we have set up in our office building. We have a lot of facilities in our building, really: a school, a sleep clinic (recently installed) an accounting firm, a military technology center, a home health care center and our church.

Well the nice people from OASIS (again, more on this later) apparently rented out our church for one of their small meetings they hold on occasion. This one happened to take place on Wednesday. We have church that day and I guess whomever authorized the transaction didn't tell anybody because the people from church are there and the praise team is all getting ready.

Well, I'm sitting in the sound booth watching this ticking time-bomb, because I always run the sound booth. And I'm watching the host step up-nice guy-and introduce the speaker. And everyone's just listening intently. I can tell that the people from OASIS know who the speaker is and are eager to hear what he has to say because they're enthusiastic about the business. And then I can see the church members waiting intently because they think it's some new pastor and nobody has a clue. My dad, I can see his face, at first he's excited about the hype. He looks over to Jerry (our pastor) thinking this is something he put together. And then I can see Jerry on the other side of the church looking over at dad thinking it is something he put together. Our leadership communication is akin to cavemen drawing animals on rock walls. A lot of people make decisions and nobody knows what's going on until Showtime. It's not cool, but it's just how things go in small-time organizations.

So then the speaker finally steps up and starts ranting and raving and even preaching about the business. First he talks about how life is a miracle and how God is awesome and so the church goers are all immersed. But then he moves on to the product line and it's like a deer in headlights. Confusion all around and for a few moments, the audience is speechless, motionless. I can even see my dad trying to figure it out.

Finally, he does, but he doesn't. He doesn't know that OASIS paid money to rent the room. He just thinks they're barging in. So he stands up and begins heckling the speaker. The speaker tries to talk him down, but it's no good. Then the church goers start attacking, verbally and pretty soon the OASIS people lash back. In a matter of minutes, it's all chaos and I'm at the helm, looking through the glass window in the back of the church as civility slides out the air vent. I look to Scott (my dad's right hand guy) who's with me and he shrugs helpless.

Things begin to turn violent and I look down at the soundboard. The praise team is still on stage in the back, now standing confused. They're the only bunch that hasn't spoken up on either side of the argument. I know the decision is mine. Do I turn up the speaker's mic or do I start the music for the band to play to? There is this moment of considering and finally I make my choice, thumbing the play button on the CD player. Music blares through the monitors and that's the game.

The speaker, defeated, motions for his entourage and makes a final statement to my father, wishing him well and then he leaves. My dad nods and steps back.

And this is where it kind of got interesting.

I turned down the music, thinking it was over, but then some guy from the OASIS team, some younger adult that I have no idea who he was, turns back and runs up to the podium. He turns to the audience and says something like "You are all nothing but a bunch of crabs in a bucket, always trying to drag someone down when they want to succeed in life. I see you've made your choice, your personal hobbies are more important than success and freedom." I can see the anger and the passion in his eyes and I shake my head because I know that he's wrong. I know that these people are just good people who thought they were coming to church and then things went south. They don't want to keep anybody down, they just want to do their religious duty to God and the whole thing with the business hype and the plan and the products was like Pharisees with their market in the temple. I mean it made sense, at face value.

But then he leaves and someone from church who I didn't know immediately ran up to the podium and screamed back, "We made the right choice! They're nothing but a bunch of cultists who worship the god of mammon! Greed! Gluttony! The green of money!" And she went off calling them Satan's religion and a din of liars and scam artists. These things I also knew to be false because I knew the people who came for the OASIS meeting. I knew many of them personally and that did not fit their description. The woman then continued, "They have their organization and we have our organization!" And for some reason, I knew that she was meaning some sort of corporate entity yet she was referring to the church, like a lot of these big churches who have preachers on payrolls like they're some company. The audience got wild again. I could hear their hate, I could feel it fill the air and it made my skin crawl.

I abandoned my post and ran up to the front and waved my hands trying to calm them. I couldn't get to the podium because the woman was still there, so I just raised my voice over everyone and said "How is this any different than them? This is our body. This is God's body. And he didn't put us here to lash out and condemn other people. He put us here to love."

And then stoned went flying. The lady at the podium shouted me down. The people in the rows of chairs shouted me down. I looked and saw that even my parents were shouting me down and so I left, beaten and hurt.

I didn't meet up with OASIS. I knew they wouldn't take me after what I'd done to them. I just went away. I felt alone, abandoned and for what? I woke up with that question unanswered and the dream has been on my mind all day.

Despite the emotions of it, I can't find it in my heart to consider it a bad dream. On the contrary I rather liked it. Of all my dreams this one seemed relevant to my life and I think it taught me something. What it might teach someone else is however entirely up to them.

An Unanswerable Question

Here's to you, David Robinson:


Jesus loves you more than you will know. Whoa whoa whoa!

Ok, enough of that.

My future plans for the business, for Quixtar, for my life and my persuits of happiness are still up in the air and I'm taking every step lightly but with confidence that I'm making the right decisions for me.

These past few days (weeks even) have been a blur and I am finding myself more and more exhausted as the sun keeps turning. It's a pendulum, really. In a couple of days I'll gradually get back into my groove and stay that way for a bit and then swing back. That's fine by me. I'm still young, I can handle it.

Let me just clarify a few things for the Quixtar lovers and haters that read this blog:

First of all I really appreciate it (even when I don't show it) that you waste your time with me and the rantings I have to say. It says a lot for somebody to give somebody else attention so don't think your contributions to this blog go unnoticed. I simply haven't thought up a plaque to send out to my active readers. :P

Secondly, there are some things you should know about me. I am an actor. I am a musician. I am a son of a successful businessman who has a corporation outside of Quixtar to follow up on every day because there will be a point in my life where I will take the reins and I do not want to do so blinded by ignorance through the years which could have been avoided. I'm paying as much attention now as I can so that I can be ready for when the time comes.

I have my own dreams and aspirations in life just like anybody else. Me being an IBO makes me no different from anybody else out there and so I have my strengths and my weaknesses, my wants and desires. I am a human being, blah blah blah.

My dream is to become an actor. That's it. A successful actor in the film industry. Funny how that has absolutely nothing to do with Quixtar or even my father's business. My parents are still overwhelmingly supportive of me and for that I am eternally greatful. So why stay in Quixtar? One reason - I enjoy it.

I enjoy being an active IBO. I enjoy promoting the products and establishing relationships and learning. I have grown so much through what I've got from this business called MLM and I have been able to apply it to my judgements of other things outside of Quixtar, such as my father's company. The friendships I have established may not be everlasting ones, but they are healthy ones and through this business I have also strengthened already existing relationships. I don't give all of the credit to Quixtar. A lot of it goes to AllianceNet and the simple Network Marketing system.

I enjoy doing what I do and so I keep on doing it until I stop enjoying it. Just like this blog. And, honestly, I'll probably keep this blog long after I quit Quixtar, assuming I do quit Quixtar, which hasn't happened and doesn't look like I will any time soon. Time will tell.

And that's the other thing. The primary lesson I learned in prospecting was Timing. It's all about Timing. Almost everything is about Timing. And you don't know where it is or when it will hit, but when the time comes along, the only thing you can do is go with it. If there comes a time for me to leave the business or this Blog, well I'm sorry. Won't be any hard feelings and I may even be back, but Time is Time and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm not leaving now, though, so don't worry. Not going anywhere yet. Except maybe to bed. Because I'm really tired.